This is not a class you sit through. This is work you do on yourself. Every week, you will journal, speak your truth out loud, face a direct challenge, and leave with a clear action. If you try to "get through it," nothing changes. If you engage honestly, everything can change.
About Your Coach:
Steven Sweeney, M.Ed., CCBT, CBGT
Founder/CEO
Certified Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist
Certified Moral Reconation Therapy Domestic Violence (MRT-DV) Facilitator
Certified Post-Betrayal Transformation (PBT) Practitioner
Certified Cognitive-Behavioral Group Therapist
Certified Cognitive-Behavioral Life Coach
Certified Moral Reconation Therapy (MRT) Facilitator
Certified Hope2Heal Transformation Practitioner
Steven Sweeney brings four decades of counseling experience to helping people take responsibility, build healthier relationships, and move forward with dignity. As founder of Good Success Diversion Courses and Hope2Heal, he combines Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and Interactive Journaling with practical skills and reflection.
His certifications include Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist, Cognitive-Behavioral Group Therapist, Cognitive-Behavioral Life Coach, Moral Reconation Therapy (MRT) Facilitator, Moral Reconation Therapy Domestic Violence (MRT-DV) Facilitator, Post-Betrayal Transformation (PBT) Practitioner, and Hope2Heal Transformation Practitioner.
Steven’s IPV/DV approach emphasizes safety, accountability, boundaries, and nonviolent choices. His work is informed by the experiences of same-gender partners, with consultant guidance supporting the organization’s approach. He brings warmth and directness to difficult conversations, helping participants examine harmful patterns while recognizing their capacity to change.
His guiding belief is simple: “It’s All About Relationships.” Every participant deserves to be treated with respect while being challenged to practice safer, more responsible behavior in everyday life.
How This Program Works
Each week follows the same structure — no shortcuts, no detours. The work only works if you do it.
Complete the Journal
Before group every week, you fill out your journal. This is not optional — it prepares you to speak honestly.
Bring Your Answers to Group
You don't come empty-handed. Your written work is your starting point for the conversation.
Speak Your Truth Out Loud
Saying it out loud is different from writing it. It makes it real. The group holds space for that.
Get Challenged
Respectfully, but directly. Excuses get named. Patterns get identified. You are expected to sit with that.
Leave With a Clear Action
Every session ends with one specific thing you will do differently this week. One thing. Do it.
Class Resources
Here are the essential tools and links to support your journey through the program. Consistency and active engagement are key to your transformation.
IPV Takeaways
Access key insights, reflections, and actionable strategies from each session to reinforce your learning and maintain focus on your personal growth journey.
Class Payment Link
Easily process your $25 weekly payment to ensure uninterrupted access to the program and maintain your commitment to change.
Schedule Next Session
Proactively schedule your upcoming class to maintain momentum and ensure consistent participation in your ongoing intervention.
Core Rules of These Sessions
These are not suggestions. These are the conditions that make honest, productive work possible. If you can't follow them, the group cannot help you.
No Blaming Your Partner
Your partner's behavior is not why you are here. Your behavior is. Stay focused on what you did.
No Minimizing
"It wasn't that bad" is a red flag, not a defense. If it brought you here, it was bad enough.
No Excuses
"I was drunk," "I was stressed," "she started it" — none of these change what you chose to do.
Speak in "I" Statements
Own your words. "I felt…" "I chose…" "I did…" This is how you stop hiding behind vague language.
Be Honest — Even When It's Uncomfortable
Discomfort is part of the work. The moment you start editing yourself to look good, you stop growing.
Mandatory Sobriety Agreement
Alcohol and drugs don't cause violence — but they remove the control that keeps it in check. If you want control over your behavior, you must stay sober. This is not about willpower. It's about taking the brake off a car that's already moving too fast.
No Alcohol
For the full 26 weeks of this program. No exceptions, no "just one drink."
No Illegal Drugs
Any use increases your risk. There is no safe version of this.
No Prescription Misuse
Using medications beyond their prescribed purpose counts. Be honest with yourself and your facilitator.
Reality Check
How the Group Opens
Every first session begins the same way. The facilitator asks one question: "What did you do that brought you here?"
No stories. No explanations. No context. Just facts. What you did. In plain language. Out loud.
This is harder than it sounds. Most men have been rehearsing an explanation for weeks. The work starts when you set that explanation down.
Why This Matters
The story you've been telling yourself about what happened is part of the problem. It protects you from accountability. It keeps you stuck.
When you strip away the story and say only what you did — no "but she," no "because I was" — you begin to see the choice you made. That's the starting point for everything that follows.
Facts are not comfortable. Facts are what change behavior.
Journal Work: The Facts
Complete this before group. Write honestly. Nobody grades this — but you will bring it into the room, so be prepared to stand behind what you wrote.
What Happened?
Describe the incident in plain, factual terms. No adjectives that excuse, no context that shifts blame. Just the sequence of events as they occurred.
What Did You Do?
Not what she did. Not what anyone else did. What did you do? Be specific. Be complete. Write it down word for word, action by action.
What Are You Still Blaming on Someone Else?
This one takes honesty. Where are you still pointing a finger outward? Name it here. That's not a final answer — it's a starting point for the work ahead.
Challenge: Rewrite the Story
Look back at what you wrote in your journal. Read it carefully. If any of the following phrases appear — in those words or ones like them — you have more work to do.
"She pushed me first"
"She disrespected me"
"I didn't have a choice"
"She knows what she's doing"
Weekly Action: Identify one situation this week where you feel yourself starting to react. Before you act, stop. Name what you are about to do. Write it down after. Bring it to group.
What You Call "Normal"
This week, the group talks about where you came from. Not to make excuses — but to understand the blueprint you were handed. Because what you saw as a child becomes the template for what you do as an adult, unless you choose to rewrite it.
Nobody is born knowing how to handle anger, conflict, or control. You learned it. You watched it. You absorbed it — in the kitchen, in the car, through the walls of your childhood home. Some of what you learned was useful. Some of it was destructive. This week, you start telling the difference.
Journal: Your Blueprint
What Did Conflict Look Like in Your Home Growing Up?
Did adults yell? Go silent? Leave? Get physical? Describe what you actually saw — not what you were told happened, but what you witnessed. Be specific about who did what.
What Did You Learn About Anger?
Was anger expressed or suppressed? Was it used to win arguments? Was it frightening? Did the person who got loudest get what they wanted? What did that teach you?
What Did You Learn About Control?
Who had power in your household? How did they use it? Was control a form of safety, dominance, or love? How does that show up in your relationship today?
Challenge: "That's Just How I Was Raised"
Go back through your journal entries from this week. Circle every time you used the phrase — or the thinking behind it — "that's just how I was raised."
What That Phrase Does
It explains. It normalizes. It closes the door on accountability. It tells you that because something was taught to you, you have no choice but to repeat it.
That's not true. You are not your father. You are not your childhood. You are here because you chose to act — and you can choose differently.
The Real Question
For each pattern you circled, ask yourself honestly:
- Is this working for me today?
- Is this working for my partner?
- Is this the man I want to be?
You don't have to keep the blueprint you were handed. But you do have to choose to build a different one.
Power & Control: Real Talk
This week, we break down the Power and Control Wheel — but we do it in plain language, not clinical terms. You've probably heard this framework before. This time, we're not going to let you nod along and move on.
Journal: Where Do You Control?
Check everything that applies to you. Then, for each one you check, write one specific example of when and how you did it. Be honest — this is not the time to present yourself in the best light.
Tone of Voice
Do you use a certain tone to shut down conversation, intimidate, or signal that disagreement is not welcome?
Who They Talk To
Do you limit, monitor, or react negatively to your partner's friendships, family relationships, or social life?
Money
Do you control access to finances, demand accounting of spending, or use money as a tool of reward or punishment?
Time
Do you dictate how your partner spends their time, track their whereabouts, or punish them for time spent away from you?
Decisions
Do you override your partner's choices, dismiss their opinions, or make decisions for them without consent?
The Mirror Question
"If someone treated me exactly the way I treat my partner — controlling my time, my money, my friendships, my voice — would I call that respect?"
Sit with that. Don't rush past it. Write your honest answer below, and bring it to group.
Your Honest Answer
Write it here. Not the answer you think sounds good. The real one. If the answer is "no," that's important information. It means you already know, somewhere inside you, that this behavior is wrong.
What the Answer Tells You
If you wouldn't want it done to you, that's your compass. That's the internal guide you've had all along. This work is about learning to follow it — even when you're angry, even when you feel disrespected, even when it's hard.
Minimizing: The Trap
Most men in this group don't flatly deny what they did. They do something more subtle — and more dangerous. They shrink it. They reduce it. They sand down the edges until it almost sounds reasonable.
Minimizing is not lying, exactly. It's a way of managing your own guilt and other people's reactions at the same time. It lets you stay in the story as a basically decent guy who made a small mistake, rather than someone whose behavior caused real harm. That story feels better. It's also keeping you stuck.
Journal: How You Shrink It
How Do You Downplay Your Behavior?
Think about how you've described what happened — to friends, family, your attorney, or even yourself. What version of events do you tell? How is that version different from what actually occurred? Write down the differences you notice.
What Words Do You Use to Make It Sound Smaller?
Common examples: "I just raised my voice." "I tapped her." "I pushed her away — I wasn't attacking her." "She bruised easily." "It only happened once." Write down the specific language you've used. See it clearly for what it is.
The Rewrite Exercise
This is one of the most direct exercises in the program. It removes the cushioning language and forces you to see the plain facts of what happened.
Step 1: Write It in One Sentence
Describe what you did in a single sentence. Use whatever language you normally use — soft words and all. Just get it down on paper.
Step 2: Remove All Soft Language
Go through the sentence. Cross out every word that reduces, softens, qualifies, or excuses. "Tapped" becomes "hit." "Pushed away" becomes "shoved." "Lost my temper" becomes "screamed at."
Step 3: Read It Aloud
Read the plain-language version out loud to yourself. Then bring it to group. The goal is not shame — it's clarity. You cannot change what you cannot see.
Triggers
A trigger is not an excuse. It's a warning sign. Knowing what sets you off gives you the chance to make a different choice before things escalate. Most men in this program have never sat down and actually named their triggers. This week, you will.
Journal: Name Your Triggers
List your top five triggers. Be specific — not "when she disrespects me," but exactly what happens, what is said, what tone is used. Vague triggers are easy to ignore. Specific ones are harder to run from.
Trigger One
Describe it in detail. What happens? What is said or done? How often does this occur?
Trigger Two
Describe it in detail. Is this connected to something from your past? Write what comes up when this trigger is hit.
Trigger Three
Describe it in detail. Does this trigger have a long history for you, or is it specific to this relationship?
Trigger Four
Describe it in detail. What is the story you tell yourself when this happens?
Trigger Five
Describe it in detail. What have you done in the past when this trigger was hit? What could you do differently?
Break It Down: One Trigger in Depth
Pick one trigger from your list — ideally one that has led to harmful behavior in the past. Now examine it at three levels.
What Were You Thinking?
What thoughts ran through your mind the moment this trigger hit? What story did you tell yourself about what it meant? What did you assume about the other person's intentions?
What Were You Feeling?
Under the anger, what was there? Hurt? Embarrassment? Fear of being disrespected? Fear of losing control? Name the emotion beneath the one you showed.
What Did Your Body Feel Like?
Where did you feel it — your chest, your jaw, your fists, your stomach? What physical sensations showed up? Learning your body's signals gives you a few extra seconds before you act.
The Moment Before
This is the core exercise used every single week in this program. It targets the moment that actually matters — not after you acted, not after the damage was done, but the moment right before it escalated. That moment exists. You may not have noticed it before. You will start noticing it now.
Think of a real incident. A specific one. Bring it into full detail in your mind. Now answer these questions in your journal.
What Happened Right Before It Escalated?
What was said? What was the tone? Where were you? What had the day been like? Walk through the minutes before the incident with precision.
What Did You Tell Yourself?
In that moment, what did you say to yourself about what was happening? What interpretation did you choose? What did you decide it meant?
What Did You Do?
Name the specific action you took. Use plain language. No softening. Just what you did, start to finish.
The Rewrite: What Could Have Been Different?
Now that you've mapped the incident, go back and rewrite what could have happened. This is not about beating yourself up — it's about building new pathways for next time.
What Could You Have Told Yourself Instead?
If the thought was "she doesn't respect me," what's a thought that leads to a different choice? "She's frustrated. I don't have to match that." "I can walk away." "This is not an emergency." Write a replacement thought that is honest but doesn't justify harm.
What Could You Have Done Differently?
Name a concrete, specific action. Not "I would have been calmer." What would you have said, done, or walked away from? The more specific your rewrite, the more useful it is when you face a similar moment in real life.
Anger Is Not the Problem
Anger is a normal human emotion. Every person experiences it. It signals that something matters to you, that a boundary has been crossed, or that you are in pain. Anger is not the problem.
Violence is a choice. It is the decision — even when it doesn't feel like one — to act on that anger in a way that harms another person. Men who change are not men who stopped feeling angry. They are men who stopped choosing to make their anger someone else's emergency.
Journal: Your Beliefs About Anger
What Do You Believe About Anger?
Is anger weakness? Strength? A warning? A weapon? What did you learn anger was for? Write honestly about what anger means to you — where that belief came from and whether it has served you well or not.
What Gives You Permission to Act on It?
This is the harder question. Somewhere, something gives you the green light to escalate. What is it? Is it: "She knew what she was doing"? "I was pushed too far"? "A man has a right to react"? Name the permission slip you give yourself. That permission slip is what has to change.
The Time-Out: A Non-Negotiable Tool
The time-out is not a punishment. It is not avoiding conflict. It is the single most important tool you have for preventing escalation in real time. You will practice it every week. You will use it in real situations. This is not optional.
Each step matters. Leaving and then texting angry messages is not a time-out — it's escalation at a distance. The full 30 minutes is not a suggestion. It takes your nervous system that long to return to baseline. Skipping it means you return dysregulated — and the conflict restarts immediately.
Practice Plan: Use It This Week
You don't wait for an emergency to practice this. You practice it now, so it's available when you need it. Write your answers below and bring them to group.
Where Will You Use the Time-Out This Week?
Think of a specific situation that regularly leads to tension for you. It doesn't have to be a major conflict — even a low-level irritation is a good place to practice stepping away intentionally.
Where Will You Go?
Name a physical place you can go when you need to cool down. Outside. Another room. A walk around the block. Have a plan before you need it, not after.
What Will You Do During the 30 Minutes?
Walk. Breathe. Drive. Listen to music. What works for you to actually bring your system down — not just physically leave but emotionally reset? Write it here.
Thinking Errors
A thinking error is a thought that feels true, feels justified, and leads directly to harmful behavior. These thoughts are automatic. They happen fast. And they are almost always wrong — or at minimum, incomplete. Over the next four weeks, you will learn to catch them before they drive your actions.
"She disrespected me."
This thought assigns blame and implies that disrespect justifies a response. It skips over your choices entirely.
"I had no choice."
You always have a choice. This thought removes your agency — and your responsibility at the same time.
"She knows how to push my buttons."
This thought makes your partner responsible for your reaction. She does not control your choices. You do.
Challenge Your Thinking
Pick one thought you have used — recently, or in the past — to justify or explain away your behavior. Write it down exactly as it sounds in your head. Then work through the challenge.
Write the Thought
Exactly as it appears. Don't clean it up. Write what you actually think, not what sounds acceptable.
Is It True?
Not "does it feel true" — is it factually, objectively true? What evidence do you have? What evidence contradicts it?
Is It Helpful?
Does this thought lead to outcomes you want? Does it bring you closer to the man you want to be — or further away?
Write a Better Thought
Not a fake-positive thought. A realistic one that doesn't justify harm. Something you could actually believe and act on.
Your Cycle
Abusive behavior does not happen randomly. It follows a cycle — a predictable sequence of events that you have run dozens of times, maybe hundreds of times, without ever fully seeing it. These four weeks are about mapping your cycle so clearly that you can interrupt it.
Each stage feeds the next. The trigger doesn't cause the behavior — your thought about the trigger does. The feeling amplifies the thought. The behavior follows. And the consequence — legal, relational, personal — is the result of choices made at every prior stage.
Where Can You Interrupt It?
Here's the critical question: if the cycle has five stages, that means there are at least five places where you could have made a different choice. This week, you identify which of those points is most realistic for you.
At the Trigger
Can you change your environment to reduce exposure to a known trigger? Avoid certain situations? Give yourself more space?
At the Thought
Can you catch the thinking error before it takes hold? Replace it with a realistic, non-harmful thought?
At the Feeling
Can you name the emotion underneath the anger — hurt, fear, shame — and respond to that instead of the surface reaction?
At the Behavior
Can you use the time-out before you act? Walk away. Say nothing. Remove yourself from the situation entirely.
Substance Use: No More Denial
We already covered the sobriety agreement at the start of this program. These three weeks go deeper. Not into whether you have a problem — but into the honest relationship between your substance use and your behavior. This is not about labeling you an addict. It's about telling the truth.
Most men in this group know the answer before they're even asked. When you drink or use, your behavior gets worse. Your filter drops. Your body is already tense, your thoughts are already distorted, and something small becomes something catastrophic — fast. The question this week isn't whether this is true. It's whether you're willing to say it out loud.
The Hard Question
"If you stayed sober — completely, consistently sober — how much of your problem would disappear?"
Write your honest answer. Not what you think the facilitator wants to hear. Not the answer that makes you look the least problematic. The real one.
Journal: What Happens When You Drink or Use?
Be specific. Does your tone change? Do you become more likely to escalate arguments? Do you act in ways you wouldn't sober? Does your partner's behavior change around you when you use — because they're afraid? Write exactly what happens, in your own words.
Does Your Behavior Improve or Get Worse?
This is a yes or no question, not an essay. Write the honest answer. If the answer is "worse," that is critical information. Sit with it. Don't justify it. Just let it be true.
Your Sobriety Plan
The sobriety agreement you signed at the start of the program was a commitment. This week is about turning that commitment into a concrete, practical plan that you can actually follow when the urge or opportunity to use shows up.
Identify Your High-Risk Moments
When are you most likely to drink or use? After work? After conflict? On weekends? With certain people? Name the specific situations where you are most at risk.
What Will You Do Instead?
Not "I'll try not to." What is the specific alternative action? Call someone. Exercise. Leave the environment. Go somewhere that doesn't involve alcohol. Have the plan ready before you need it.
Who Will You Call?
Name one person who knows your situation and can be a real support — not someone who will offer you a drink. Write their name and number. Use it.
Skills That Actually Work
These are not abstract concepts. They are concrete skills you will practice every week for four weeks. By the end, they should be part of how you operate — not techniques you remember in a therapy session and forget everywhere else.
Listening Without Interrupting
Most men in this program aren't listening during conflict — they're preparing their counter-argument. Real listening means letting the other person finish. It means hearing what they're actually saying, not the worst version of it. This week, practice letting someone speak without cutting in.
Walking Away Before Escalation
Not storming out. Not leaving in anger. Walking away intentionally, before the point of no return, and using the time-out you've already practiced. This requires noticing escalation early — that's why you've spent weeks mapping your triggers and warning signs.
Speaking Without Attacking
Using "I" statements. Naming what you feel without assigning blame. Saying "I felt dismissed when…" instead of "You always make me feel like…" This sounds small. It changes everything about how conflict goes.
Journal: Practice in Real Life
These skills only develop through real-world use. Every week during this phase, you will document an actual situation where you tried at least one of them. Come to group prepared to share it honestly — including what didn't work.
Where Did You Try It?
Describe the situation. Who was involved? What was the context? What skill did you attempt to use — and when in the situation did you try it?
What Happened?
Describe the outcome honestly. Did the skill work? Did the situation de-escalate? Did it get harder before it got better? There is no wrong answer here — only an honest one.
What Will You Improve?
No skill works perfectly the first time. What would you do differently next time? Where did you hesitate, revert, or lose the thread? That's your growth edge for the following week.
Your Warning Signs
By this point in the program, you've mapped your triggers, your cycle, your thinking errors, and your behaviors. Now it's time to build your personal early-warning system — a list of signs that you are heading toward losing control before it happens.
Warning signs are personal. They might be physical — tension in your jaw, a tight chest, raised voice. They might be behavioral — withdrawing, pacing, drinking more than usual. They might be cognitive — starting to think in black-and-white terms, catastrophizing, feeling like "enough is enough." Write yours down. Know them by heart. Teach the people close to you what they look like.
Physical Signs
What does your body do when you are losing control? List specific physical sensations you recognize as early warning signals.
Cognitive Signs
What thoughts start appearing? What changes about the way you're seeing the situation or the other person?
Behavioral Signs
What do you start doing — or stop doing — when you're escalating? What would someone watching you from the outside notice first?
Your Safety Plan
You've done 24 weeks of hard work. This week, you put it all together into one plan — a clear, specific roadmap for what you will do when you notice your warning signs. A plan that exists on paper is a plan you can actually follow.
When I Notice My Warning Signs, I Will…
Write down your first response — the immediate action you take the moment you recognize you're escalating. This should be automatic, practiced, and specific. "I will say I need a break and leave the room" is better than "I will try to calm down."
I Will Go To…
Name the physical place. The car. Outside. A specific room. A friend's house. Wherever you can go to complete a real time-out without escalating further.
I Will Do This to Cool Down…
Name the specific activity. Walk, drive, breathe, call someone, listen to music. What actually works for you to bring your system back down?
Who Will Hold Me Accountable?
Accountability is not weakness. It is one of the most important tools in this program. Name the specific person — or people — who know your plan, know your warning signs, and have your permission to call you out when they see you slipping. Write their names here, and tell them you put them on this list.
Person #1
Name: _______________________
Their role in your life: _______________________
What they're watching for: _______________________
Person #2
Name: _______________________
Their role in your life: _______________________
What they're watching for: _______________________
26-Week Intimate Partner Violence Intervention Workbook